Marriage is sometimes seen as an outdated institution due to the fact that a lot of people don’t stay married anymore. We live in a world where things don’t get fixed if they’re broken, we just bin them and move on to the next thing and unfortunately, a lot of our relationships go the same way. It’s being lazy, for the most part as no one wants to actually work on anything now. Whether you wanted it or not, the breakup of a relationship can turn your entire world upside down and trigger a lot of painful feelings from utter grief to raging anger.
There are a lot of things you can do to help yourself get through this and grow into a stronger and wiser person and one of them is learning to love yourself again. I realise that feels impossible right now but loving yourself is what you have to do to help your confidence. If you haven’t yet picked up the phone to contact a few London Solicitors, then get on that. As much as you can, taking time to absorb the shock of a divorce notice is key but you also have to act. It doesn’t really matter if things have been hard and sour for a while, breakups hurt a lot because divorce represents a loss. A loss of love, a loss of a friend and a loss of everything you anticipated for your future and things can suddenly seem very bleak.
The process is actually grieving as you are losing love that you put all your energy into and shared commitments and dreams are coming to an end. When these relationships fail we experience profound disappointment, stress and grief. Essentially it’s a death of sorts and the feelings you will go through will be comparable to just that: losing a loved one. Healing from this kind of pain takes a lot of time and taking care of yourself first and foremost – unless you have children in the mix – is so important. Recognise that it is okay to have different feelings and while confusing, these are perfectly okay to feel. The reactions to things will lessen over time and even if the relationship was unhealthy, venturing into the unknown is frightening.
Where you can, lean on friends and family to help you get through this and if you have the ability, book yourself into counselling. Having someone to talk to and discuss where things went wrong for you and your relationship can help. If you are the reason for the breakdown, as in, you’re the one serving divorce papers on your spouse, then perhaps decide whether you need to have counselling as well. It may be your choice but that doesn’t make it easy. The dissolution of a marriage is never easy no matter if it’s the inevitable. Allow yourself to grieve for the loss of the relationship and try not to repress feelings. If you have to cry, cry. If you want to scream and shout, do it into a pillow. Repression leads to fury and fury leads to smashing of things and that isn’t a productive way to let out stress even if it does feel good!
Understand that you still have a future even beyond divorce. There’s every chance you can meet someone new who makes you feel loved again and even if you choose to remain solitary, you can rediscover your love for yourself. Force yourself onto your feet and enjoy life, have new experiences and perhaps travel. Do things you wouldn’t have been able to do before. Try things you wouldn’t have tried before and hopefully this can help you on your way to healing and bouncing right back to the best you can be. Choosing to move forward instead of looking back is the key here but take your time and go for it slowly; rushing can only skip steps in the healing process and send you crash landing to the beginning all over again.